The weekend was good, up until Sunday afternoon/evening. Then there was a communication mishap with the Hubs. It actually happens quite frequently, but usually to a much lesser degree than yesterday. I won't go into it, but basically it was a situation where I felt like my tendency to give details was being criticized or mocked. So when you add that to the fact that I sometimes feel like what I say is ignored, and I was probably extra-sensitive at the time, and it didn't turn out pretty. So I felt crappy, and was starting to pull into my shell anyway. On the way home from dinner at my parents' house, I asked the Hubs about something (that I was hoping we could discuss, and I've been pondering for a while), but he just totally dodged the question. Another communication breakdown. So then I felt really crappy.
And to make matters worse, earlier in the day we were talking about an upcoming race. He had heard about it on the radio a week ago, and told me about it, since it was a women's only 5k and 10k. I looked into and considered signing up, since it's only $20. Well, yesterday I was kind of hinting around and asked if I did sign up, if he would go to cheer me on. He basically said that he would feel dumb, because he'd probably be the only guy there (hello, you think all the women racing aren't going to have husbands and boyfriends and/or kids cheering them on, too?). We never really finished the discussion, but I kind of figured that he doesn't plan on being there. So, I don't think I will participate in that race, because I don't want to do it myself. I gave him a break on the 4th of July, because it was a holiday. I let him sleep in, and I went and ran my race, and carried around all of my own stuff, and took my own pictures, and reveled in my accomplishment by myself. But I didn't think it would always be that way. I thought maybe his encouragement of my running would translate into supporting me at races. Apparently I was wrong.
So right now I'm not feeling too excited about spending $20 or $30 or more to pat myself on the back for finishing a race. It kind of sucks because I thought by running, I could do something so people would be proud of me. But every time I bring it up (talking about how much I ran, or how much I'm progressing), I just feel like a big fat bragger, which no one likes. My family doesn't really ask me about it, so I have to work it into the conversation, and I'm starting to feel like a jerk for always talking about myself. Plus, I don't think the Hubs gets why I run. It seems like he sees it as a means to an end (i.e. losing weight), which is only part of the equation.
I was feeling so good, because I had 2 good runs on our camping trip (great runs considering the elevation), plus when I weighed myself Sunday morning, I was down 0.6 lbs. But now it all seems like a hollow victory. What is the point? Why am I doing this? I was getting to a place where I was thinking I might be able to go far with this whole running thing. But if my goal is to eventually run a marathon, why even bother if no one is there to see me finish? Yes, I run for myself. I love the way I feel when I run. I love being able to see myself get faster, and to be able to go farther. I love that I can do something good for my body, and with my history of asthma, I can't believe that I can run for 5 miles straight (especially considering that back in May I couldn't run an entire mile without stopping to walk).
Now I guess I need to figure out where I want to go with my running. What is the next step (no pun intended)? I didn't run this morning because I was exhausted and my body hurt (even the soles of my feet), and I was mentally drained. But I'm not going to quit running. In fact I plan to run tomorrow morning first thing. But I need to re-evaluate my goals, and the path that I'm going to take. I expected to face obstacles in this "journey", but I didn't expect them to be more mental than physical.
So, if you've read this far, thanks for your patience (and for "listening"). Any advice would be appreciated. Do any of you have to deal with unsupportive family/friends/significant others? Do you still run races, and do you do it alone? Anyone who runs, but doesn't race- how do you stay motivated? Well, sorry for the rant, but I had to let it out somehow.
14 comments:
I am in your same situation. Every race (both of them) I have done I have gone by myself, ran by myself and drove home by myself. I have several more planned for the rest of the year and same thing - I will be alone. Do I wish someone was there to cheer me on and to see me cross the finish line? Yes! But if they aren't, am I going to stop running and racing? NO! I run for me and I race for me. I do totally understand about brining up your running in conversations because I have to do the exact same thing. I ran 8 miles on Sunday morning before church while my husband was in bed and never once did he ever mention it. (He knows my long runs are always on Sunday mornings.) I asked him if he would mind if I ran a half marathon and the only response I got was "Run Forest Run . . . do I have to go or would you go by yourself?" I'm going by myself. (Actually I will be riding and staying with a co-worker, but you get the picture.)
Don't let it stop you. . . .you know why you run and you see the benefits from it. Keep running!
Jennifer- Thanks for your comments. Sometimes it's good to know that we're not the only ones going through a particular situation. That's why I'm so glad I have blog friends. At least we can get support somewhere. (BTW, I was quite impressed with your 8-mile run). = )
Thanks for stopping by my blog! We seem to have alot of similarities! For the running though, yes! When I started, probably the first 2 years even! - my husband/boyfriend at the time never came to watch me race. I didn't even care, I felt like I was doing it for me, and because most of the time it meant getting up on the weekend at 6 am, which was my choice - not his. I still ran on and raced on. I started running in '04 and he came to my big races (marathons and very local races) but really just started getting into it and coming to cheer me on this year. It has been awesome having a fan and sometimes my parents come out too - but you should TOTALLY do that race and start doing them on your own and in time, your husband will come along and you can tell him there are so many people there, etc etc - but also tell him how you are feeling and that his support would be awesome! Keep running !!!
n.d.- thanks. I guess there's still hope that in time he'll come around. I'm still undecided about the race, but I will definitely do some kind of race in Sept (either the women's only on 9/6, or one of 2 races on 9/13). Thanks again. = )
You need some running buddies!!
A lot of my best friends are runners. I enjoy going to races because it's a social event where all of us running freaks can get together and keep in touch. And, all of those people in our lives that don't understand it don't have to listen to us ramble on and on about it.
My BFF is a runner, and her husband is fine with it. He doesn't go to her races either. He doesn't really "get it", but he never has a problem with the trips we take for marathons, relays, etc.
I think he likes that she can talk about it with me, so he doesn't have to hear about running ALL the time.
I think you should definitely do the race, and I agree with Tammy that you should try to find some runner friends. Do you have a local running club?
Tammy and Robin- you are so right, I need some (or at least one) running buddies! Or at least someone to go to races with (even if we don't run together the whole time). Then I would have someone to share the joys and pains of running with (besides my great blog friends!!).
There is a local running club that I found out about at the July 4th race, but as I've mentioned before, I'm shy, and the thought of it kind of intimidates me. But it might be worth it to at least give it a try.
Thanks girls (and guys, too- feel free to chime in) for all of your support and suggestions. I heart you guys!!
Hang in there RooBabs. It sounds like you're in a difficult situation. I think you need to look at this from the standpoint of what is good for you. It sounds like you enjoy running. And running in races. It is fun to have people there with you and cheering you on. I agree. But think about what does running really mean to you. When I began to run, I did it to lose weight. But it does become more than that. You believe in yourself, and what you can accomplish. Your confidence goes up. I'm sure you've experienced this as well, and are some of the other things you alluded to. And that's what makes it all worth it.
So, I say, run the race. Keep on running. And tell us about it here. It's not bragging. It's sharing your joy and excitement with others who care. I care. And if you run, I'll be cheering you on from a distance. Know that. You are not forgotten out there on the course.
It is the feeling of suffocation that forces us to breathe.
Im taking a different piece of your post.
this:
It kind of sucks because I thought by running, I could do something so people would be proud of me
IVE SO BEEN THERE and learned that when I sought external 'validation' it/my pursuits never were satisfying.
*sigh*
you need to be proud of you---which you are.
(and we out here are SO PROUD OF YOU but that goes w/out saying).
does that make the sense it does in my head?
:)
Lance- Thank you!! Your words of encouragement mean so much. You're definitely right about the confidence part, and it is so much more than losing weight (despite what the Hubs thinks)- it's just a nice side effect.
MBS- What a great quote- it really gets me thinking.
MizFit- As always, you are so wise, and yes it does make sense- perfect sense. I've read/heard over and over again that when you do something, it needs to be "for you" and not for anybody else, or it won't last. My whole life I have struggled with wanting that external validation (a holdover from being an oldest child, Type-A perfectionist, OCD, people-pleaser... you name it). So I guess it's just one of those things that I need to work on. In the meantime, I'll take great pleasure in the fact that there are people "out there" that are proud of me and will be cheering for me.
Thank you everyone!!!!
you are not alone! I too used to get annoyed that my hubs was not supportive and that my whole family thought I was weird.
Now I don't really worry about it anymore and just run for myself. If he happens to be there, it's a bonus, but not something I expect anymore.
Sometimes it's nicer to go alone because I can enjoy all the race atmosphere without worrying that he might be bored.
Keep on running!
Workout Mommy- Thanks! Good point about enjoying the atmosphere. I would totally be wondering if he was bored off his rocker, and couldn't wait to leave (even if he did have a magazine to read). Plus, since I would probably do the 10k, that's an hour just for the running part, nevermind the before and after.
Sorry to hear about your unsupportive family. =( If you ever do a run in Nebraska, I'll hold your stuff and cheer you on! ; ) Keep your head up and running shoes on!
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