Tales of a WorryWart

Once again, our pal MizFit has written about something that is near and dear to my heart. So rather than polluting taking up her comment space with my rambles, I decided to blather on in my own space. Yesterday, her Monday Facetime was about worry. She mentioned a quote that I hadn’t heard before: “Worry is like praying for things you don’t want” (sorry if that’s not exact- I wrote it down but forgot to bring it with me, and I can’t access the video from the computer I’m using). It struck a chord with me, because I’m a recovering WorryWart (not healed, but in the process).

I’m a worrier from waaaay back. Even as a kid, I remember my mom constantly telling me, “90% of the things you worry about will never happen, so why waste your time and energy?” Because mom, I’m the oldest child and your typical Type A/OCD/Anal Retentive/Perfectionist. Worrying is in my DNA- or so I thought. When I was young I worried about weird stuff (like if my mom got too close to the curtains, she might suck them up into the vacuum) and not-so-weird stuff (like whether or not my siblings received equal portions, and that we were all treated fairly- read: equal punishment). I don’t even remember most of the stuff I worried about as a kid, most likely because it never did happen. As I got older, it became more focused on school- and achievement-related worry. I worried so much that it impacted my mental health.

In high school I started having panic attacks, so my mom made me see a counselor. I started taking an anti-depressant, which I continued for several years. It helped to stabilize things (though not always), but it didn't change my behaviors that were causing the problems (namely the worry and the stressing too much about things I couldn't control- that, and the procrastinating). Once I finished college, and got a decent job, I felt like I was ready to go off the medication. For a couple years things were going pretty well. I had a good group of friends, I was paying off my debt (credit card, collections and student loans), and I lost the weight that I gained the last 2 years of college.

However, at the end of 2003/beginning of 2004, I started to experience a lot of stress. I was back in school 12 hours a week, plus working full time, and I was in the middle of a huge job upheaval (my department was being outsourced to the Philippines, and I had to train my replacement, after which I would transfer to another department). Luckily, due to my schooling, I applied for, and was hired for a job in a different department at my company. But it was still stressful because I doubted my abilities, and was still bitter about "losing" my other job (even though it had nothing to do with my job performance- it was purely a cost-based decision).

In addition to that, my aunt that I lived with (my mom's older sister, who was a widow) was very sick and she passed away in September of 2004. Two days later I was in a car accident (not my fault), and while I was driving the rental car, I was rear-ended (2 accidents in less than a week). So while I was trying to process my grief, I also had to deal with insurance companies and worry about transportation to school and work. Needless to say, the depression and anxiety came back with a vengeance. I was a mess, and I could barely function (although I tried to keep it hidden from most people). I would wake up with knots in my stomach (and could never eat breakfast), and I cried all the time. Although I lost weight during this time, I still felt "fat" because I was jiggly all over (and very out of proportion). I went from about 123-125 lbs to less than 115. I had a gym membership and worked out a couple times a week, but I guess most of it was due to not eating as much. I couldn't, because I was too stressed out and worrying all the time.

So this is sort of an extreme example, but I believe that worry only serves to make stressful situations worse. I also believe that worry increases stress. My point of telling this story, is because the main things that helped me to overcome the anxiety were gratitude and forgiveness (myself and others). When you worry, you are focusing on what you don't have, or what might go wrong. Worry creates negative energy, and in regards to the law of attraction, it brings things into your life that you don't want. If you're focusing on all the things that might go wrong, chances are that some of those things will eventually happen. I don't think there is anything positive about engaging in worry.

With that said (written?), I believe that you can turn worry around, and make it positive. But first you have to determine if your worry is something you can change or impact, or if it's something out of your control. If it's out of your control, you have to let it go. If it's something you can control, to whatever degree, then you need to take action. For example, if you worry about whether a natural disaster will happen where you live, you can't control that, so you have to let it go. But if you're worried about how prepared you are if a natural disaster were to hit, you can take action. Have an emergency plan for your family, look up resources in your area, prepare supplies for your home. Figure out what you can do, so that you don't have to waste your time and energy worrying about it.

You have to get away from the negative and focus on the positive, and as you do that, you will notice that better things will start to happen in your life. Or you will realize that you already had good things in your life that you just didn't see before (because you were focused on everything you didn't have).

For a long time my justification for worry was that I like to feel prepared. But in trying to prepare for every possible scenario or problem that I might encounter, I just got all worked up and usually accomplished nothing (other than wasting perfectly good time). I learned that the best way to solve problems is to actually go through challenges, and become stronger for making it through it- not by trying really hard to prevent bad things from happening. To do this, you need to build up a support network of friends and family, try to be as healthy as possible, and be grateful for what you already have. Then when times get tough, you will already be in the habit of being grateful for what you have, and you can fall back on that. Plus, having that opposition will help you to appreciate the "good times" and maybe even see the trial as an opportunity for growth. And your support system can help provide a healthy perspective on things.

So that's why I jumped on the gratitude bandwagon. It can bring amazing changes in your life, and I challenge everyone to try not to worry so much and to focus on the things you are grateful for. See if it makes a difference in your life.